/Backdated to 26 Apr 2017/
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...its round number 2. All over again.
Pregnant, for the second time (technically third, but you get the drift).
I will leave the story of how I found out to another entry (if I do have the time). Tonight calls for another entry that I needed to let it out of my chest.
It's 1.15am and my son finally FINALLY stopped crying and screaming. He had been on it for about 15 minutes, enough to drive my hormones skyrocketing mad.
Tried all means to calm him down (sucks that the husband is on night shift because hey, if he is around, at least we can - you know - take turns) but he still went on crying and screaming.
Tried the usual of holding his hands and tapping him softly to sleep, but he still continued crying. What happened next really got me raging mad. He started kicking in frustration and unknowingly aimed for my tummy.
Okay, that's enough, Mister!
I started getting really angry and shouted at him. It was painful, alright. He continued screaming. I tried switching on the aircon to calm him down but he went on and on. At one point, I swear I had wanted to take the remote control of the airconditioner and "shut him up". But of course I did not.
Tears streamed down my face. I scooped him up onto my lap, and carried him standing. I cried and cried and cried. Kissed him and apologized for having such (evil) thoughts.
Felt really lousy then. :'( What kind of a mother am I?
Damn those hormones got the better of me.
Surprisingly, he stopped crying then. Alhamdulillah. :')
Mummy promise to play and spend more time with you before your adik comes along ok? Because by then, I'll have to split my time equally if not more between the both of you. I'll hope you understand, even though you'll insya'Allah be just one when he/she comes along.
I love you, sayang, with all of my heart. <3
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