How do you see yourself in 1/3/5 years' time?

A question I don't like answering when it's thrown to me. I don't even know what to eat later tonight or even tomorrow. So something that is a year or more, is something I don't like to think about.

But something made me thought about it this morning.

After being in this small business, I have seen myself from nothing to at least something worth recognizing for myself (at this point, I don't need others to recognize me yet. It's important for me to recognize myself first).

Disclaimer: This post is never intended to bring anyone down but to share on the setbacks I've faced and maybe as a reflection for me to understand how I can further improve the processes.

It all started with wanting to try and do something different for myself, which is why I thought of starting this business. There was once a fear, but that fear slowly faded away with time and I've grown more confident over time.

Initially, the business plan was to have a partnership with my siblings because one of them had ambitions to go into the same industry as me. But things didn't work out because although the interest is the same, the way we work, is very different. 

My sister is a more terjun-botol kind of person and then can suddenly decide to do something totally different the next day. There is zero consistency and planning. This is fine for someone who works the same way with her. But for me, I am the more careful kind where I'll start small and slowly build my portfolio from there. It's much safer and if I make any losses, it wont be much.

My sister's plan was to do up a waffle ice cream live station for weddings and also the full scale decor. Huge huge ambition. We suggested to her to start with something small first like an in house dais - to you know, test the comfortability and even make use of one of our houses to do up a pelamin to trial and error, but we later found out that she already terjun botol and started buying ice cream glass panels (you know those big ones macam nak bukak kedai ice cream), and a huge 20ft wooden backdrop panel and 4 acrylic platforms for the dais.

Guess who collected those huge things on her behalf? Me. While she was suddenly away on a holiday during the delivery day of the items. -.- *slow claps

Guess where those things ended up? At my mum's place - rotting away. Sheesh.

And right now, she's suddenly into photography, logo designing and sampul raya designing.

Looking at how she work, and how I work = we both can't be in the same company. 

So things got a bit ugly halfway and the whole predicament ended there and then. She quietly opened her own company (that does the whole photography, logo designing and sampul raya thingy) - which I didn't know of, but I was told by my kakak about it. I just gave her my best of wishes in my heart and hope for the best for her.

Right now, there's only my husband and I running our small company. I am on the PR & Admin and the Creative department whereas my husband is on the delivery side and logistics side. I'll accompany him for delivery because an aspect of the delivery side is the PR where I've to explain to my clients on their items and our items.

Few months' back, I thought of expanding my business further and include bunga rampai into our packages. This is where I decided to rope my other sister in. She has the flair of becoming a florist one day, so I believe this was a great starting point for her.

However, as much as she has this creative side of things, out of the 4 times that we have done bunga rampai so far, I had to help her out in 3 because she couldn't finish it on time and that delayed our delivery deadline. It doesn't reflect well and something has to be improved.

I kept on emphasizing on the importance of amanah/trust and fulfilling ones' obligations especially when it involves receiving money from others. People are paying for it and we must deliver. But sadly, I think it doesn't come across as that important to her...maybe not yet. Maybe she doesn't see the seriousness of it yet because she has yet to meet any demanding clients. Again, this taught me another lesson that as much as one can be your sibling and also has the flair of doing something nice out of something, it doesn't mean he/she share the same kind of passion as you. :(

To do list: Another pep talk sesh coming up.

Sigh.

Business is not as easy as it seems. You have to juggle internally (your partners, and for some - employee and staff) and also externally (suppliers and clients). At the same time, manage my role as a wife and a mum to my kid(s). 

Even though I am nowhere veryyyyy near the limelight, I believe I want to grow something out of this someday. Insya'Allah.

Do'akan! <3

When was the last time?

I miss our random date nights. :(

Rezeki milik Allah

Woke up this morning with a thought that has been lingering on my mind since last night.... (or maybe the last few nights but I haven't gotten the chance to pen it down).

Both of us have been rather tight with our finances these days but Alhamdulillah, we tried to manage it in a way possible for us to live through the days.

There are days we find ourselves not being able to eat outside and then we remembered my mum gave us some paste she bought so that cooking is made relatively easier for me. And then I also had my lovely friends who gifted us with AMGD passes, which helped us too.

It's tough, I have to admit. especially when money is a critical tool in this time of age.

At times, my clients delayyyy their payment, but we still have to deliver it to them (because majlis orang.......), and trust that they will pay.......someday. It's difficult to have that trust, because some may "forget" about paying..... and we are here left waiting. (How can one forget paying something that is owed to others eh? Sigh). Have to learn how to manage this one. It's not easy having to send messages to someone for something that THEY owe you. It's very naggy, but someone gotta do it. Orang kata "dah macam kerja tailong". 

But having said that, our rezeki (or sustenance) didn't come to us as a form of money, for now, but at least it comes in other forms:

- Family

- Rezeki anak

- Rezeki ada rumah untuk tinggal

- Rezeki makanan (no matter how financially tight we are, Allah cukupkan with food on the table for us. This, I find amazing. Alhamdulillah Syukur).

- Rezeki kawan, walaupun I don't have many of them, but the count of them are really amazing friends

I guess I have also come to realise that it is hikmah too that I wasn't given a job because the initial plan was to have our MIL to take care of our son, while I go to work. But Allah is The Best of Planners. Indeed there was a reason that He doesn't allow me to go to work; MIL was diagnosed with cancer and of course, who else would be the better person to look after my son other than myself?

It is not at all that bad. Yes, being an SAHM is tough. There are days you get mad, slightly depressed and all, hahahha... but at least you get to witness the every milestone of your child. 

It's amazing, Masya'Allah. 

Indeed, rezeki itu milikNya Allah. We just gotta have faith and husnudzonbillah (sangka baik dengan Allah) and everything will eventually make sense and fall into place. ♥