Mummy duties during her "graveyard shift"

The day started off well with heading off to NTUC to buy the week's groceries. Came home, cook the usual fare, did the laundry. Felt so achieved & productive, yet I was tested when night time came.

It was one of Mr. J's night shift. As usual, since I have some gift tray orders to be done, I'll usually put Adriaan to sleep (and he can sleep for a good 4hrs till his next feed yay!) and continued with my gift trays.

I decided to turn in at 3am and get my rest but was rudely awaken by bloodcurdling scream from the little boss an hour later. 4-tiring-am.

As usual, I would go over, and carry him to place him on my lap. My arms tucked down his bum area and then I felt both his pants and the bedsheet damped - no, I mean drenched. With his pee.

"No, no, no, noooo... not this time......."

I hated that whenever I forgot to place an underpad, this happens.

*breathe innnn breathe outttt*

Reached out for another set of clean PJs and proceeded to change him, while he was still screaming (for milk).

Pressure level: 200%

His diaper was heavily soaked with both poo and urine. So so soaked. It was as though he just had a swim in a pool or something.

*breathe innnn breathe outttt*

Changed and fed him first while the bed still reeking of his urine smell. *massaged my temple*

I was probably already feeling pissed by now but practising HUGE self-control. This boy, after all is still a baby who doesn't know anything other than eat, sleep, poo, urine, cry - repeat.

Once he was done, I placed him on his cot, with an underpad - cannot forget this - and proceeded to change the bedsheet.

Not a good time to do your chores, aye? When you're so tired...and alone with a (demanding) baby lol.

I didn't lose my temper while changing him & feeding him which was good, but I ended up in tears. Probably feeling too tired and angry to do anything. They say it's the "mummy's guilt."

I am sorry, son. I may not be the perfect mother. Still with a bad temperament and all. But I promise to love you for as long as I live.

Here's a picture of him sleeping after being placed in a cot and playing by himself for a good 15 minutes, while I was changing the bedsheet. As a consolation, at least you already know how to sleep by yourself. Alhamdulillah. Thank you for making it slightly easier for me.

What a timing

This isn't helping at all.

Received a letter from HDB yesterday (after an appeal made to our MP last month) that they only allow us up to 20th Dec next month for the next key collection date. Failing which, will cost us $2,112 every month after that as a penalty cost.

Seriously?

I'm already having trouble trying to direct latch Adriaan recently. Somehow, I feel my supply has dipped. Not sure what is causing it - stress or not eating proper or both.

Tired beyond words.

Sometimes, I just feel like switching to FM and deny him all the goodness of "liquid gold" that everyone talks about. It's more costly, but so much easier. I don't have to deal with latching him every hour, I don't have to deal with cracked & sore nipples. I don't have to deal with pumping anymore. But that's just selfish. And with the stress with regards to our home mortgage, really, it's not helping at all.

Kinda hate being in my own shoes right now. Sigh.

*resumes looking for jobs*

Someone, just hire me please? #desperate

All about you

Here I am, seated at the corner of my bed, feeding my son, while staring at his cot right across the room, and then scanning to the right side of our room to his stash of Mamypoko diapers, still left untouched.

Trying to find my sanity back.

My husband went to run some errands and he asked if it's ok to have his hair cut.

"Go ahead. Have some me-time", I replied.

No, I was sincere (if you smell some sarcasm there lol).

He has helped me a lot in managing our little human, I believe he deserves some me-time for himself.

On the other hand, I'm at home, trying to question my existence and ermm asked if we have made the right decision when we wanted to conceive. Kidding!!!

A part of me misses my time with my husband, alone. When I asked him to go ahead and have his own me-time, he replied that me-time is out to the movies with me. Where does that leave Adriaan to right? Lol.

Of course, we have to forego any fancy idea of couple date at this moment now (for a few months at least!) until...errr we really need a time-out to stay sane.

Our lives have changed a hundred and eighty degrees - everything is about Adriaan now. I frequent my Safari visits to Qoo10 and Lazada to buy baby stuff for Adriaan. I wake up at night every 2 hours for Adriaan. Even my eye bags spells Adriaan. Hahaha. Poor me! *cries*

But yeah, who am I kidding! This little human, despite testing our patience with his screeching cries, we still love him big time. I hope he feels it.

Do you, Adriaan?

"No, mummy. I am only thinking of milk". 

Okayyyyy...