Having grown up in an environment where favouritism is evident (yes, clearly spoken), makes me wonder whether I'll be the same next time.
I'm not a parent of one yet, so I can't speak for two (or more). But it does make me wonder. Even though we always hear parents say, "I love my children all the same", but is it really? How many times do we observe & notice how different the kind of treatment each child receive from our parents? Or say from other parents who has young children?
Eg.
Child A shows tantrum, parent reprimands.
Child B shows tantrum, same, if not worst, parent keeps quiet.
And then there's also an argument raised that the reason the treatment(s) is/are different is due to the fact that not all children are the same - aligning all our fingers altogether; they are not of the same length. Every child is different.
Eg.
If we reprimand Child A, the child might understand the seriousness of it & don't do it again.
If we use the same technique on Child B, the child might be more rebellious. Hence, this technique doesn't work on the child. A friendlier approach works better.
Is this how parenting works?
But how would Child A then feel on the different treatment he/she receives?
He/She might start to develop ill-feelings towards his/her sibling & start to feel that the parents are not being fair.
Farfetched huh? Belum give birth, dah fikir macam-macam. Lol.
Had a discussion with Mr. J on this and he said, "Alaa kita just redha, and accept life as it is".
So I guess....at the end of the day, the child has to learn and adopt this (matured) mentality someday and redha that life is just as it is huh? Haha.
Well, let's just say I'll experience it myself first hand in the future when I have two (or more) of my own. Insya'Allah.
But seriously though, just curious: Do all parents have a favourite child secretly? Hmmm...
Received some news from HDB the other day with regards to our appeal. Not so great, but I'll leave that for another entry (note: already drafted).
To distract myself away from all the recent negativities, I made a loooong list of to-do(s), and finished only two so far - ironing a week's worth of clothes & Mr. J's uniform plus putting in my hospital essentials in ziplocks & labelling them into categories. Feeling so proud of myself but come on, baru dua chores je dah penat. (What third trimester does to you). Alone times like these when Mr. J is having his day shift(s) are great, because I get to take my own sweet time & do my chores as and when I want to. Not that with him around is bad, but most of the time, we'll end up watching downloaded movies together (and maybe sleep away lol). So unproductive. Lulz.
Braxton hicks has been really strong of late & I think...my mucus plug has been slowly discharging itself from my system every other day. No obvious bloody show so far, which made me researched a bit about it and mummies who shared at forums also mentioned that you don't necessarily need to have a bloody show to be in labour. I seeee....
Speaking of which, I don't really like it when Mr. J is away for his night shifts because what if contractions come in realllly strong in his absence? I cannot be manja and step nak pengsan all hahahahha. Kidding. Well, we have placed all the important stuff at the corner of our room, all packed and ready to be brought to hospital. He has briefed me on what to bring & who to call first when it happens. But please please pleaseeee, hopefully he's around when it happens - not because I nak manja manja, but I can't imagine being alone at such a timing.
Anyways, we have passed the 37th week mark, Alhamdulillah. You can make your appearance already, little buddy. You will no longer be dubbed a premature baby anytime from now :) So excited to meet you already, insya'Allah. In other words, cepatlah keluar.......my petite size can't handle you anymore!
We were told that we couldn't get the keys to our unit....... -.-zzzz Surprise, surprise.
After alllll the hard work & effort eh!
Bear with me as this is not the "usual" key collection procedure that you normally get to read. I'll be sharing the problems we faced and hopefully you can gain some knowledge or two with regards to this.
Here's what happened:
- Reached HDB Hub at 12.07pm (Appt was at 12.15pm)
- Got the Queue number
- Went in and met the Sales Officer (not our OIC), and the kakak sales did some keying of figures into the system and raised this question subsequently to Mr. J, "Your wife is not working right now?" *swings the red flag everybodaye*
She kindly told us that following our current monthly household income, we would need to top up a shortfall of $384 every month. Which, we were fully aware of and okay since we have done our financial calculations and have sufficient savings every month for this shortfall. Plus, this shortfall doesn't quite matter to us, since I would be going back to the workforce insya'Allah after I have delivered. Kira few months kita bayar this shortfall with GIRO, and once I have started working, my cpf contribution can be used to cover this shortfall of $384. No biggy right......? Or so we thought.
Here comes the twist:
Kakak sales said that this amount of shortfall has to be paid via CPF only, through our total monthly CPF OA Contribution. The GIRO option mentioned in this entry here is available only if both of us are currently working, yet the total CPF tak cukup to pay the monthly HLE repayment amount.
i.e. Husband is employed with CPF Contribution while the wife is a self-employed with no CPF Contribution, but able to prove with an income tax. eg. Property agent and the likes
Well, unless Mr. J's income alone could make up the same total household income as we had back then.
Eg.
Description
AMOUNT
Applicant 1 income
2,000.00
Applicant 2 income
2,000.00
Total Household income in 2014
4,000.00
Description
AMOUNT
Applicant 1 income
4,000.00
Applicant 2 income
-
Total Household income at the point of key collection
4,000.00
...which ermmm, doesn't make sense. Nobody gets a salary increment of 200% within a span of 2 years. Unless dia kerja coolie then tiba-tiba join politics and become a Minister ah. But that is besides the point. The point is, our HLE amount needs to be reassessed since there is a decrease in our monthly total household income at the point of key collection.
Just like what we thought about previously.
If that's the case, why did HDB conveniently approve the loan and mislead us kan?
Kakak sales said HDB would assume that there's no change in our income status & give us the same loan amount. Unless we would like to request for a higher loan, then they would reassess - subject to our monthly total household income. In her words, no less "Dorang selalu shortcut. Tapi waktu collect kunci, we will look into your income status. And if there's a decrease, we would need to reassess the loan accordingly. Kalau tak cukup, kena appeal for higher loan".
Kakak sales also told us that HDB would use the CPF contribution of the last 3 months (at least) to assess the loan credibility. Meaning, I need to be working for at least 3 months for them to assess and provide the new loan amount. So many numbers, so much headache.
Kakak sales also told us that she would also prefer to grant us the key collection, but only if our OIC approves this & "willing to take this responsibility". But neh, the OIC doesn't wanna put her name on the line. Ok lor.
Given our "challenging" situation, she directed us to meet up with the COS (Loan) department to appeal - which we went after lunch.
At this point, Mr. J was already pissed with how things were. I tried to be "the water" and reminded him to husnudzonbillah and prayed for the best. To be honest, I was already really really upset. Disappointed. And all other mixed emotions. But I didn't want all these negative emotions to get to our head else we couldn't think rationally and might end up being angsty later on when we meet up with the COS officer :/ So let's avoid that.
During lunch hour, Mr. J and I had a discussion over this shortfall. We thought of two "options/scenarios" that might solve/salvage this financial shortfall that we are currently in.
Option A: Appeal to HDB & prove that we are able to come up with the $384 in cash every month to pay via GIRO, until I have found myself a job very soon (insya'Allah) and able to contribute to the shortfall with my cpf. Option B: Request/Appeal for a deferment for 6 months & find a job while at it. 3 months of "self-maternity" leave (or less - whichever works best) & 3 months of work to kickstart the CPF monthly contribution all over again. Just enough time, insya'Allah.
Sounds like a plan.
Lunch hour ended, and we met with the COS Loan department's Duty Manager to explain our situation. Didn't catch his name but we sincerely liked how he attentively listened to us explaining our situation & tried to provide us with solutions (even though he went "by the book").
- He assisted us with an appeal for a deferment
- He assisted us with an appeal for a higher loan following our current monthly total household income based on only Mr. J's income (which is impossible ah, since we already buat homework kan. But ok, we proceeded to try anywayssss)
- He also took note that I will be due soon & informed us that we can notify HDB asap once I have found myself a job. (He kindly included this in the appeal).
We checked with him whether it was possible to prove that we can come up with this shortfall financially and pay via GIRO - you know, just trying our luck. He mentioned that we are talking about 25 years of loan, which is not a short period of time. So even if we can prove to HDB that we are financially able to right now, it can't be certain that we are able to do so for the next 25 years - along with the baby in tow. Okay...
We also checked with him if the HLE amount would increase if our total household income increases (comparing against our combined household income back in 2014), he replied nope. HDB will provide us with the loan amount just enough of what we need. Well, you can never know the funny grey fineprints HDB might have. #justbeingkiasu
The whole process of appeal & approval (if possible aamiin) would roughly take about 2 weeks or so. Noted. So now we wait......for another 2 weeks......hais.
In conclusion, here's a summary of the knowledge to share, learn and & take away from our unfortunate key collection event that happened yesterday:
- For key collection to go smoothly like every other Singaporean couple, both husband and wife MUST be working, unless either one of the spouse's income (read: CPF Contribution) alone is enough to pay back the monthly HLE repayment amount
- Connecting to the above point mentioned, do also ensure that there's no decrease in the total household income between the time the HLE was first approved, to the point of key collection
- The GIRO cash top up option is ONLY applicable if both husband and wife is working, yet the total CPF isn't enough to pay for the monthly HLE repayment amount. No such thing as one person working, and the other is at home goyang kaki, lutut dan anggota-anggota badan sewaktu dengannya, and top up the shortfall amount by cash (GIRO).
- HDB assess the loan credibility using the CPF contribution of the recent 3 months
The only consolation while we were out yesterday was registering our admission paperwork in KKH after the appointment. Glad that we at least got that settled after procrastinating it for days.
Speaking of which, since dah nak kena carik kerja dalam masa terdekat ni, it may seem ridiculous to look for a job while serving confinement. But I was thinking of cutting my self-maternity leave period short and start working hopefully by Dec/Jan. Hopefully by then the job market has picked up. Aamiin aamiin aamiin.
We also need to consider on the care & well-being of our newborn once I have started working. :( Couldn't hold back my tears & broke down at night partially cz of this. Baru satu bulan je dah "kena tinggal". But no choice; Mummy has to find a job, dear. My mum is definitely out of this equation of babysitting as she has openly declared that she wouldn't want to babysit any of her grandchildren even way before any of her children got married. Well noted, mum. My MIL on the other hand, is okay to help out but I wouldn't want to trouble her in any way possible. I am sure our newborn would be in great hands under her care, but caring for a newborn isn't that easy especially since my MIL is no longer young too. Their cries, their constant feeds, their spit ups.
When push comes to shove and we have to resort to sending our newborn to infant care, then no choice :( That would mean an additional financial liability, but like I said, no choice.
To be researched: Does infant care accepts baby enrolment as early as 1 month old?
In all seriousness, hidup ni ada naik ada turun. Kadang-kadang dengan adanya masalah, kita boleh matang. Kadang-kadang dengan adanya masalah, kita boleh dekat dengan Allah. Yang penting, kita mesti usaha & do'a. Minta yang terbaik. We can't expect family to help us, cz they wont. Masing-masing ada keperluan/masalah sendiri. I know at this juncture, I am mostly to blame since I was the one who stopped working, and yes, fingers were pointed towards me for my actions. But little did they know that even if I have stayed, it wouldn't be long - the very small company that I was working for was already looking for employees to let go. What better way than to let go a mother-to-be that would only incur extra expenditure for the 4 months of maternity leave right? Sigh. Biting the bullet right now.
In a nutshell, as husband & wife, we have to help & support each other cz nobody else will. On top of that, we have to husnudzonbillah always. And always, always, have each other's back during tough times.
Tough times don't last. Tough people do.
To better times ahead. Aamiin.
