May we be given strength to go through this

As we make our way to the hospital now (yes, I am blogging through my phone #catchingup), I just wanna say how amazed I am with my husband at times.

It doesn’t matter when he comes home from work. Be it after his day or night shift, he will make it a point to call his Mum and ask about her well being or rest for a while and make his way to the hospital just to accompany her and give her the support she needs.

I can tell how tired he is at times, but to him, being tired is not his priority as long as he gets to spend as much time as he can with his Mum. Such an amazing man you are. I am not sure if I can have such strength to go through that.

Sometimes, when his Mum is back at her home, he will ask what she feels like eating and will go and buy it for her right after his night shift and ensure she gets to eat well.

The love he has for his Mum. :’)

I have to admit that as much as I need his attention during this pregnancy (pregnancy is not easy ya), I have to understand and brave through this period. There are times where I have to be left alone at home, managing Adriaan while he is out at the hospital, accompanying his mum. There is this particular period where Adriaan was down with diarrhoea for about 3 weeks and that would mean changing of his diapers about 8-10 times a day. It was nightmare because everytime I bend down to change his diaper, my tummy would hurt a little, because I can’t squat due to my condition. Nevertheless, it had to be done anyway.

I pray that Allah will grant us strength to go through this difficult period and recovery for my mother in law. In addition, I pray that Allah grant my husband His Highest Paradise for all the things that he does for his mum. Not everyone is willing to do what he does. And for that, I really respect this man a lot. <3

Thank you Allah for loaning this man to be my husband.

Welcoming July

Time flies and we are already at the second half of 2017! Say whatttt!

Ended my first Ramadhan with being able to fast for a full 30 days (Alhamdulillah), but not doing so much this year as compared to my previous years. :( I don't know if caring for a baby plus carrying one in me is a valid "reason", but hais, I am sure I could do better.

Nonetheless, Ramadhan this year is already over and I could only do'a that I'll be able to meet the next Ramadhan... Aamiin.

Few quick updates!

RENOVATION:
We are almost halfway through our renovation progress.
- Hacking of our kitchen was done on the first few days of renovation
- Then we had to choose our toilet floor tiles again because the one Steven showed us from Hafary is out of stock
- Doors installed, and painted
- Delivery of the items we bought (Note: Gonna blog about our buying process, insya'Allah!)
- Toilet floor tiles have been overlaid once we confirmed our new tiles
- Our kitchen entrance have been touched up after the hacking
- Installation of our instant heaters has been done

Upcoming week:
- Installation of our kitchen cabinet

To do:
Pass the second payment to Steven

PREGNANCY:
We are at our 17 weeks 4 days today. Alhamdulillah.

The first very very mild movement/shifting I felt was exactly on the 17th week, around the same time as when I first felt Adriaan's movement. But Adriaan's one was more prominent in a sense I could actually see the bulge forming. This time, I could only feel the subtle movements internally.

The next appointment will be on the 19th July where you'll turn 20 weeks insya'Allah. We will also get to know your gender.

Your Ayah and Nyai is guessing girl whereas I still have no clue. I kindaaaa have a feeling it's a boy though from the shape of my tummy. But Ayah said it looks different this time round. Don't cheat my feelings leh. Hahaha. Show your true shape please!

Well, we will see lah eh. Like I once told Ayah, it doesn't quite matter girl or boy this time. All I know is if we plan to have a third one insya'Allah, to be much more careful in the family planning department (not because I don't believe in rezeki and qadar Allah), but I need the time to recuperate especially since my recent Prolapse episode.

To-do: More kegels!

ADRIAAN:
Few updates pertaining to this son of mine haha.

- He is no longer "butt-heavy" and "lazy" to use his leg muscles to stand. He has shown keen interest to start walking. Good progress but no rush though! I would prefer him to take his own sweet time and crawl longer.
- He has his sleep regression episodes. *cries* It comes and goes. There are weeks where he'll sleep through the night so SO peacefully. But there are nights where he'll be jolted awake either by his own version of nightmare or just wanna play and not sleep. Pfft.
- I've started giving him 2 meals per day, one in the afternoon for lunch and one in the evening at 6pm. There'll be 2 different purée flavours for his meals. He'll be turning 1 years old about 4 months' time and I need to get him used to more food. Time is running out and I've yet to explore more food options for him. He's still "stuck" at some 4-6 months' old food range. :/ I've yet to start him on Baby-led weaning (BLW) because 1, we don't have a high chair for him to sit on it quietly and explore. 2, my husband HATES mess, in CAPS, Bold, Italics, Underline kinda seriousness of hatred. Hahaha. But I hope to explore when his Ayah is not around, with fruits that are more soft like bananas (can you try bananas again, Adriaan?), Avocados or dragon fruit? Insya'Allah.

To-do: Buy more fruit and vegetables, and maybe try starting him on fish and meat?

Alright, that's it for the updates this time round.
Note: This is just a skeleton of a proper update espesh on my renovation progress. Will do a more proper one with visuals. Hehe!

First Appt with the Physiotherapy

So following the check up on my U-Prolapse as mentioned in this entry here, I had my first Physio therapy session yesterday. Gotta blog about it so I can remember the notes shared by the therapist.

Disclaimer: Please, please... PLEASEEEE read this with an open mind and don't think I take pleasure blogging something so private like this like it's easy to do so. The reason why I'm blogging about this is because I don't see anyone local sharing about Prolapse so if this helps anyone out there who is facing this condition just like me, then yes... I've done my part.
//End of Disclaimer//

So, anywayyy... The automated text sent by KKH stated that I can't be late because its strictly by appointment. Heh. So we reached 15 minutes earlier than the appointment time at the Rehab clinic at KKH and self-registered.

Soon after, I met my therapist. To be honest, I didn't have a high expectation on the session. Haha. I had a feeling it was going to be sub-par by learning on how to do Kegel exercises on the basic level. But I was proven wrong.

I explained to her the series of events that happened in relation to my U-Prolapse episode. It was nice because she responded just like a friend so that made me comfortable (as opposed to a cold response with just "mhmm", "ok", "mhmmm" then make you feel like it's not so serious haha).

The therapist (let's call her M.F.) showed me a picture of the anatomy of the pelvic floor - something like the picture below:

(Credit: Pelvic Floor First)

MF explained that the red coloured "tissue" from the pubic bone all the way to the spine at the coccyx is where the pelvic floor muscles are. It "supports" the urethra, uterus and the rectum. Over time, as we age, the pelvic floor muscle will weaken and it's something that we can't avoid due to wear and tear. But since I am still young, she said I still can do Kegel exercises to strengthen the muscles.

MF then showed me on how Kegel exercise works. It's basically like controlling your flatulence, by holding it in? Haha. I checked with her whether is it the same feeling like holding our bladder midstream while pee-ing and MF explained that yes, but it is not recommended to hold our bladder halfway frequently NOT because it weakens the pelvic floor muscles, but because it will cause Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) especially for us women because the length of our urethra is shorter than men. If we hold and stop our pee midstream, the pee that was going to exit, gets sucked back in and it will cause bacteria forming. Ahhh... Baru kakak faham. 

Once that was done, MF did an examination on me to check the severeness of my condition. I told her that I suspected I was a Stage 2 according to articles I read online. Like this one here. But according to my explanations to her, she suspected that my condition is still at Stage 1. 

I lied down on the bed (undergarments off), opened my legs, bent my knees, and followed her instructions to cough once. Followed by a second cough. MF told me that she only sees it descending at the second cough. After which, MF told me to try doing the Kegel exercises to check whether I'm doing it correctly (while still being in the same position). *Awkwardddd O.O

She said I did it correctly the first time, just that I tend to lift my butt slightly up while at it. I was supposed to not lift my butt up at all. Tried again and this time it's corrected. 

The next check was even more....awkward (errrr). She had her surgical glove on, applied some gel on it, apologized (haha errrr) and inserted a finger to know how long am I doing the Kegel exercises for, by asking me to hold it in as long as I can, and feeling my "squeeze". (Can I put on an oversized paper bag over my head already? So embarrassing seh... yeeeeksss).

"1...2...3........18...19...20. Good. Try again"

"1...2...3......14...15.... Okay, you already lose it at 15 seconds but that's good too"

"Yours is a Stage 1". Alhamdulillah. 

Felt relieved that at least my Kegel exercises were corrected, even though embarrassing ah haa..haa... Alhamdulillah. 

MF then continued explaining on modifying the task and chores that I am doing on a daily basis to ensure that it doesn't worsen the condition of my prolapse. She started by telling me that for emptying on bowels, to never squat down to do it. For a person with healthy pelvic floor, this position is good as the intestine is straight down. But for someone with a less healthy pelvic floor, the abdominal mass above the bladder, uterus and the rectum will cause a strain and additional stress plus weight on the pelvic floor and worsen the condition. Wow, something new we all learned huh?

Other than that, she explained that for my case, as I'm of a petite size, currently pregnant and have to carry my son, both weight will add on to the stress on my pelvic floor muscles even more. *sweats drip emoticon* Boohoo. Not my fault seh for being this small size :( Therefore, she taught me on ways on how to modify carrying my son up. 

Since my son is currently sleeping on the tilam laid down on the floor (note to self: baby-proofing post coming up next time insya'Allah), and I'm sleeping on the bed, there'll be times where he cries and I have to carry him up. For this, she explained that I have to have a stool as close as possible to him, and before I carry him, to start doing my Kegel...hold it in...carry him up on my lap, and relaxxxx (my pelvic floor).... Before I stand up while carrying him, I start my Kegel again...hold it in... carry him up and once I'm in a proper standing position, I can relaxxxx.... I cannot do the conventional way of squatting down, carry him up and stand straightaway. It will worsen my condition. Squatting down is a total no-no for now. No jumping, and no running as well. 

MF told me that it will take at least 2 months for me to see results if I do 10 sets (15-20 seconds per set), 3 times a day. I can even split it up to 2 sets, do my work, and continue doing the remaining again later. It doesn't have to be consecutive all 30 sets at one go. Nais!

MF also mentioned that at times when I anticipate a cough/sneeze coming, I should quickly do a quick Kegel exercise to ensure that the pelvic floor muscle is being "squeezed". Noted!

Learned so much in just a session. So so thankful. Alhamdulillah :)

Oh, before we ended the session, I checked with MF to confirm whether it was a Uterus Prolapse and not a Bladder Prolapse, and yes, mine is a Uterus Prolapse. I also checked with her whether it is necessary for me to do the pessary application and she said nope. Phew! At least that is one worry off! :) Mine is considered mild and according to her, prolapse can go as bad as Stage 4 where the whole uterus will slip outside the vagina. That is when surgery is required. Yikes! Naudzubillah min dzalik. 

My next follow up with MF will be in 2 months time, insya'Allah. Since my check up on the 13th of Jun, I have yet to experience another prolapse. Hopefully I'll see improvements in 2 months time. Aamiin. :)

Oh congratulations for reading till the end of my awkward but fruitful session with my therapist. :/ Haha! :)

After 5 months...

/Backdated to 26 Apr 2017/

---

...its round number 2. All over again. 

Pregnant, for the second time (technically third, but you get the drift). 

I will leave the story of how I found out to another entry (if I do have the time). Tonight calls for another entry that I needed to let it out of my chest. 

It's 1.15am and my son finally FINALLY stopped crying and screaming. He had been on it for about 15 minutes, enough to drive my hormones skyrocketing mad. 

Tried all means to calm him down (sucks that the husband is on night shift because hey, if he is around, at least we can - you know - take turns) but he still went on crying and screaming. 

Tried the usual of holding his hands and tapping him softly to sleep, but he still continued crying. What happened next really got me raging mad. He started kicking in frustration and unknowingly aimed for my tummy. 

Okay, that's enough, Mister!

I started getting really angry and shouted at him. It was painful, alright. He continued screaming. I tried switching on the aircon to calm him down but he went on and on. At one point, I swear I had wanted to take the remote control of the airconditioner and "shut him up". But of course I did not.

Tears streamed down my face. I scooped him up onto my lap, and carried him standing. I cried and cried and cried. Kissed him and apologized for having such (evil) thoughts. 

Felt really lousy then. :'( What kind of a mother am I?

Damn those hormones got the better of me. 

Surprisingly, he stopped crying then. Alhamdulillah. :')

Mummy promise to play and spend more time with you before your adik comes along ok? Because by then, I'll have to split my time equally if not more between the both of you. I'll hope you understand, even though you'll insya'Allah be just one when he/she comes along. 

I love you, sayang, with all of my heart. <3

Labour Story - Part 3 : Postpartum Recovery in the hospital

Finally, Part 3!

If you need a recollection of what happened previously, you can click here for Part 1 & here for Part 2.

Moving on to Part 3....

Upon reaching the counter at the ward area, the staff nurse congratulated me & verified my identification. I was then wheeled to Ward 81, Bed 17 while they brought my boy to the nursery.

Transferred to the bed with a lot of assistance from the nurse & Mr. J because the aftermath of stitching is starting to surface.

Was told that they needed to take 2 rounds of urine sample - one using a bed pan on the bed, another is on the bed pan, but in the restroom. Was instructed that I am not allowed to walk unassisted for 6 hours after delivery.

Mr. J was all set to sleep beside me since we reached the ward around 4am, but was told that he needed to head home. Lul. Tu laaa, tanak amek A1 class type kan hahahhaha. I kid. :p

The pain of stitching is truly a test seh. I can't reach out for items that were even within 1m radius and had to ask for help. I had to call for help each time I needed something. I felt really handicapped.

But the nurses there were really nice. Alhamdulillah. My first toilet visit was assisted by this Malay nurse who was really gentle. She supported me while I tried to get down from the bed and walked me to the restroom. She didn't even rush me one bit and told me to take my time.

"How long will this pain of stitching last eh?", I asked her.

"Around 3 to 4 weeks..."

I paused, feeling very "fikiran".....looked down at the dry floor tiles of the restroom, and let out a huge sigh.

"*sigh*.......Tanak beranak lagi".

She smiled and comforted me and say that it will get better over time.

That was how I felt at that point of time. I really hated the aftermath of episiotomy. According to Dr. Liu, the stitches are dissolvable (read that it will dissolve by Week 3 postpartum). But can it be dissolved like now now and save me from all these misery?! Haaa.

But anyway, I have to share this miracle of a product.

Epi Kool Pak. This thing is truly God-sent, I tell you! It works like an "ice-pack" to cool your perinium area after vaginal delivery. Works like charm. I even bought 2 boxes from the Pharmacy for home use after I was discharged. Barang baik. It's a MUST have. Note to self if I decide to have a second one. (Eh.....baru cakap tanak beranak lagi. Hwaaahhh....)

I was then brought to rest & it felt like I hadn't slept for ages.......only to be awaken soon after.

"Hello Mummy. Time for baby's feed".

My colostrum has not kicked in yet so the Malay nurse taught me on ways to massage and express. Another unpleasant experience. Remember my latching exercise in the labour ward? I think this time, it was more painful. The stinging sensation of your nips being pulled - made me want to surrender and give up breastfeeding there and then. I was very frustrated with myself.

The Malay nurse motivated me, "Dia memang sakit. Tapi tahan k", as she helped me express the colostrum. I pressed my lips shut and endured the pain. Kept on reciting supplications while at it. Macam over, tapi betul betul sakit.

The nurses & lactation consultant there practise breastfeeding using the football hold style. Every time I breastfeed, I perspired so badly as I tried my best to make him latch and when he managed to do so, he bite - SO. SO. HARD.

Note: Every time the baby's gum bite your nips instead of sucking it, it means he/she didn't latch on properly yet. So you have to re-latch and hope your baby manages to latch on properly. it happens occasionally.

I didn't wanna continue. I felt like a bad Mummy to tap him away gently each time because it was so painful. I ended up with cracked, sore & bleeding nips. I even told Mr. J that I don't wanna breastfeed.

My inner self went, "You giving up too easily lah, girllll"

He reminded me of the big big pahala of menyusukan anak, so I tried again. I tried to endure. Applied the nipple cream I packed in my hospital bag but didn't really work.......

...because each time my nips are left to rest & recover, it's time for his next feed. *inserts heavily crying emoticon*

During my night stay in the hospital, each time I hear the door of the ward open & sound of the wheels streaming in, I prayed a little that it's not my boy coming in for a feed. Yes, guilty for feeling like so. :( But that's how much I fear breastfeeding.

Other than that, food for me was extremely great. So sedap. :p

Speaking of which, everytime I wanted to have my breakfast/lunch/dinner, time tu jugak dia nak his feed... Had to go beast mode/stop eating & quickly attend to my new big boss.

There was once, I was about to have my breakfast when he started crying. Couldn't move much as the stinging pain of stitching could still be felt. Pressed the call bell but nurse wasn't available.

Despite the stinging pain, I lifted my butt off the bed, dragged myself, moved inch by inch, tried to stand up, nevermind the struggle and pain, went to my son & carried him up.....while eating.

The big boss wanted his Mummy to carry him rupanya. Chet.

But I guess that's what defines a mother's love. I have read some postpartum stories of mummies who went through c-section & forced their way down to walk to their newborn. Plus mummies who went through c-section can't walk unassisted within 3 days - at least that was what I heard.

This love - It's the kind of love I never knew I'm capable of giving. Maybe that's why they say a mother's love is unconditional eh?

Tiba-tiba this post is becoming sappy lah pulak haha.

So anyway, I was discharged on the 26th, at 1pm together with the big boss. Alhamdulillah.

We were given a gift bag from the hospital with lots of freebies & baby's gift box from Uniqlo. No flatlays of it because errr... Mummy penat from #mummyduties :/

Motherhood is a new thing altogether. Still trying to sink in into reality that I'm already a mother of one. Being a wife is one, but a mother? It's a whole new different level. Still learning the art of motherhood & that is putting another person's interest before yourself - in this case, is definitely my son's interest. No matter how tired, no matter how painful, no matter how sick you are...your child comes first.

Agaknya this is how mothers are eh? *tears in eyes*

Oklah oklah, to bring you away from all the sappiness of this entry hehe, Insya'Allah I'll be sharing what I packed in my hospital bag vs what I actually used during my hospital stay & what I bought after I was discharged for baby's needs/postpartum recovery. Hoping it will act as a reference for me next time (masih eh "next time"? Niat tu penting. Hahahahahah) so I don't over/under pack.

Uh-oh, back to #mummyduties to my big boss, Mr. Adriaan Shariq.

Labour Story - Part 2 : What goes on in Room 17?

So where were we? Read more about it here:

Part 1 : Cramps or Contractions?

Warning: Long entry up ahead. Get ready to pop your popcorns!

---

"Room 17. Room 17", as my bed past by a few other nurses.

My head was blank at that moment, still trying to register that I was going into labour.

Upon reaching the bed in Room 17, I was told to transfer over. I think my jubah had some blood stains from the VE done earlier at the triage :/

Changed into my white delivery gown, assisted by an Indian nurse there.

Took a selfie with Mr. J while I endured the (mild) contractions. The nurses in the room were also asking us administrative questions like whether we will be taking home the placenta & will there be any cord blood banking.

We initially didn't know whether to take the placenta home or leave it in the hospital for disposal - we (or Mr. J) ended up taking it home for burial.

I was also asked whether I would like any pain relief for my delivery. My heart was telling me to go all out for labour & don't take in any pain relief - konon nak try ah hahahah. But my mind was telling me, "Kau jangan merepek ah. At least take that gas".

So yep, I opted for the gas.

We took some selfies as the nurses were handling all the administration. Contractions were still bearable at this point. Somehow, it felt like the pain was at level 5 instead of 6-7 as I could still joke around with Mr. J.

At around 10, registrations were complete. We had another very pleasant Chinese Missy with us. Gas was by my side but I chose not to use it still. She taught me how to use the gas effectively; breathe into the equipment until the contraction pain is over, only then I may choose to take off the mask. I asked the nurse whether it's a must to use the gas if I can tolerate it. She told me not necessary, but I can use it as and when I need it.

Ditto.

Tested the gas mask and felt that there was...nothing in it. Hmmmm..... okayyy.

Mr. J also asked the Chinese Missy how long would dilation usually take.

"Usually it will open up 1 cm every other hour. But for first time labour, it might take longer. So it depends".

Both Mr. J and I started looking at the digital clock and did some mental calculations.

5 cm dilated at 9 plus with 5 cm left.
10 plus - 6 cm
11 plus - 7 cm
.
.
.
"Okay, maybe by 2 am or so", we thought.

Few minutes later, she brought me a cup of water to clear my throat and then left the room, leaving me and Mr. J all alone.

At this moment, I recalled I have packed a bottle of Al-Kurma juice and requested Mr. J for it.

"It's in the ziplock with label 'Mummy's Energy Booster'", I told him. Hehe. My OCD self works best at times like these :p

Here he is, with the Al-Kurma bottle lol.

 

I quickly down the bottle while the nurses were out. Heard it's able to give us energy while pushing. So decided to try it out.

At 10.40pm, I told Mr. J that the pain is starting to build up.

"Call the nurse", he reminded me.

I totally forgotten all about the call bell, till he reminded me about it. At this point, I still haven't tried putting on the gas to ease the contraction pain. Gungho konon.

Pressed the bell and the nurses came in.

A Chinese female doctor came in, put on her glove & lather some gel on it. You know what this means right? -.-zzzz"""

VE time. Ugh.

The Chinese Missy told me to put the gas mask on as the VE was being done on me. I started using the gas. Did it help? Of course not. I could still feel my kewanitaan/peranakan being blended and drilled. Oof. >:(

She inserted her fingers down south. It felt much more painful than the one the Senior Nurse at the triage did. I got to know from Mr. J she inserted THREE FINGERS! THREE! Not fun. Totally not fun. I even feel like giving her one good flying kick.

"7 cm already", as she took out her three rotary-machine-blending fingers.

Both Mr. J and I looked at the time, and back at each other.

"Cepatnya, wak".

I was surprised as well. That was fast.

*did some mental calculation again*

"If 10.40pm is 7cm, maybe by 11.40pm, it would reach 9cm."

The Chinese Missy then told me she has already called & informed my gynae Dr. Liu.

"She is on her way here. In the mean time, have your rest. If you feel any pain, call us ok".

They dimmed the lights and left both Mr. J and I to indulge in the romantic atmosphere before labour begins lulz. Really.

I even got Mr. J to check out the CTG scanning graph and he told me that for every 2 boxes, the contractions will come.

I also asked Mr. J to test out the gas mask because I really felt like there was nothing in it.

"Takder pa pe je".
Precisely!

In between this period, some Doctors came in & asked if I still wanted any epidural, I still can ask for it. I was persistent and declined the offer. :/

At about 11.40pm, I think, the contractions were much stronger.

Pressed the call bell & the indian nurse came in. She put on her gloves, lather the gel on and yes, another VE... arghhhhh, why so many rounds of VE ni.

She waited for the contractions to come before she inserted her fingers.

*digs*

"8 cm already". Banyak kau punya 9 cm hahahaha.

"Let's call Dr. Liu in soon", she told her colleague, the Chinese Missy.

She then turned to me and said, "When you feel like passing motion, let us know".

At 11.44 pm, I started feeling the urge to pass motion lol.

In pain & constipated fashion, I went, "I....feeeeel...like.....passsssingggggg.....motioooonnnnnnn"........

The Indian Missy went, "Ok good. Come, you push", as she lifted up my legs.

I started going, "Erkkkkkk......", you know macam nak berak lolololol. But yes, that was how pushing begins.

Time check - 25 Oct 2016, 00:00 hrs

At about 12.05am, Dr. Liu came in. Greeted us with her warm hello, and asked the nurses on my dilation progress.

Since it was still 2 cm away, she left the labour ward shortly and told the nurses she'll come back later.

At 12.40am, the contraction pain was much stronger. This time, I kept using the gas as a distraction, since it didn't really help. -.-zz

Mr. J saw me breathing in and out in the gas, rather quickly & tried to teach me how to use the gas properly.

"You must breathe in slowlyyyy... then it will work".

I was frustrated - stop talking already. Hahahaha.

But of course, I didn't say that to him. :p Every time he tried to teach me how to use it, I used my index finger and gestured him to keep quiet while I breathe in and out. When the pain was going down, I explained to him nicely.

"I need you to encourage me, dear. Say words of encouragement like 'Good job', 'You're doing well' that kind. Don't tell me how to use the gas pleaseeee. That's all I need from you".

Yes, encouragement is really important, dear men. Don't teach a woman on the how-to(s) during active labour. The pain is something you men can't imagine. Really really lol.

Fast forward to 1 am, the Chinese Missy did another check on me. I was about 8 cm but going to 9.

By this time, I already felt the urge to push/pass motion every now and then. But when the pain was low, I had conversations with the Chinese Missy to distract me from all the pain. To tell you the truth, it did kinda help - much better than using the stupid gas mask.

I asked her questions like,

"Why do I feel like passing motion?"
"Because you are ready to push"

"When can I not ask for epidural?"
"When you are already feeling the urge to push, which is about 8-10cm. Because once the epidural has been administered, it will take about an hour for the epidural to wear off. It will sort of slow down labour because the mummy needs to feel the urge to push".

"Can I use the gas when I push?"
She smiled and said, "I don't think you would like to use the gas when you push. You would be so eager to push your baby out".

She then told me that I was brave not to opt for epidural.

"My friend was even brave. She opted for no pain relief".
"But that's your friend, my dear. First child or second?"
"You mean my friend? Second. She said she would like to experience labour pain as she would like to take a pause from pregnancy until the next one."
"Ahhhh usually second labour is much faster. You know, some mums, when they put their mind to it, they are willing to go all out. It's in here (points to her temple). It's all in the mind".

I wanted to continue the pleasant conversations with her because it helped me to relax, but by now, the contractions were much stronger.

My breathing picked up.

I started to recite some supplications to calm myself down but it was wayyyy too painful.

My hands grabbed Mr. J's Man U shirt and pulled him closer. My hands started to hit the sides of the bed. I held the rails of the bed so tight as I screamed my lungs out.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"

It's the kind of scream people do when they let off their frustrations at the beach/at an open space. 

Shortly after that, Dr. Liu came in and baby's equipments like its weighing scale, were all wheeled into the labour ward.

"Everyone preparing for the arrival of your baby already", Dr. Liu said, to lighten up the atmosphere. But all I could afford to reply was a dry laughter. Haaa...haaa...haaa...

About 1.30am, I think (didn't bother looking at the time by now), my legs have been lifted up by the Missies to start pushing.

My hands held both my legs, chin down - pressing down on my upper chest and I pushed.

Wasn't allowed to make any "Errrrkkkk" sound. Instead, was told to grit my teeth hard and force allll the strength down at my abdomen. It felt like I was going through a full-dress rehearsal for the first few pushes lol.

Halfway through, Dr. Liu told me that she was going to burst my waterbag and at the exact same time, the Indian Missy went to put me on oxytocin drip.

I could feel the bed getting wet and my contractions coming to me at full force.
Pain level: 10/10

She explained to Mr. J, "Sorry. Not that we are cruel. This oxytocin drip will make the contractions stronger so she can push better".

Everytime I push, Dr. Liu and the 2 Missies went, "Some more, some more, some more", while Mr. J went, "Good job, good job". Hahaha. Remember I told him to motivate me instead of teaching me on the "how-to(s)?" Hahaha.

There were 3 major push during every strong contraction.

At 1.52 am, they told me they already saw the baby's head.

Dr Liu went, "Ehh... Quite long ah the hair".

"Long? Many or little?" English berterabur seh.

"You mean thick or not ah? Hmmm average ah average".

All the more I was more than eager to push and hear the baby's first cries. I even went to count together with them, "1, 2, *pushhhhhhhh*"

The Indian Missy went, "You don't need to count. Let us count", but Dr. Liu intervened and said, "Eh but everytime she count, she actually pushed stronger leh".

"Uhh cz it gives me motivation to start (pushing)" ROFL, really. 

"Oklah, whatever works best for you. First time hear mummy count with us", Dr. Liu and the rest in the room laughed with her.

Dr. Liu then turned to the clock & made her guess on my time of delivery.

"I think.....you'll deliver at 02:05. What time would you like to deliver?"

"Anytime ah anytime". And the whole room laughed. Lol. Duhhhh.....

Dr. Liu and the 2 Missies then explained the contraction pain to Mr. J.

"It's really painful one, you know. I always opt for epidural".
"Yessss, the pain is something you cannot imagine".

Mr. J's reaction was just....a smile. Lol.

So anyway, I started doing more pushes this time round. Instead of 3 strong pushes during each session, I was already doing 4 and 5 major pushes.

"Some more...some more...some more", they motivated me.

Each time my strength started to deplete, I went "Ok stop stop stop, tired, tired". And the whole room laughed again.

"Oklah, stop stop. Let you rest".

The Chinese Missy then took a wet tissue to help me wipe my sweat off so as to freshen myself up.

"Come on, baby. Come out already", I tried to speak to my baby. As though it can hear me already haha.

At 1.58 am, I did my last 5 strong & long pushes. Gave my all. Heard Dr. Liu's scissors went *snip snip*. And felt a gush of weight just went out from me as I heard my baby's first cries.

That's what I have been waiting to hear - Baby's first cries = Pushing's over! *celebrates*

Dr. Liu turned to the clock and it showed, "02:05".

"Eh really leh 02:05! Wah can buy 4D!" Hahah.

My legs turned so soft and tired from all the pushing. I was still shivering.

Dr. Liu then proceeded to deliver my placenta out by pressing my tummy. It was out smoothly. Mr. J explained there were lots of blood :/

They carried my baby up close to me and I took my first look.

"Congratulations.... Please check. It's a boy."

I could only afford a smile, tired (from all the pushing), as I observed him, still crying/wailing out loud.

They took him away for minor cleaning as I requested Mr. J to help me check on all his sifat.

"Tengokkan wak, cukup sifat tak?"

Mr. J was still standing beside me as he took a glance at our baby. He nodded his head and gave me a warm smile.

"Good job, sayang. So brave of you".

They cleaned him up and took his measurements.

"Am I looking sexy in my edited brief?" 
 
He's 2.6kg in weight, 47cm in length. Alhamdulillah.

"Daddy, would you like to take a picture of your baby?" Dr Liu suggested as she started to prepare to stitch me up.

"Go ahead, amek gambar anak kita. I'll be okay here". :)

Dr. Liu injected some anaesthesia to numb me up before she started stitching. Totally felt numb down south. At the same time, the Indian Missy injected my right thigh to relieve my bladder. All happening too fast.

Soon after, they passed me our son to have skin to skin contact. I took a good look at his face, with his eyes opened.

Subhan'Allah. You were inside of me for 38 weeks & 1/8th of 3 days (lol). Is it really you? Hello. <3

Daddy brought himself closer and made his adzan for you. Oh, my soft soft heart..... :') 

Shortly after, they took him to wrap him up in his blue hospital swaddler & then passed him to Daddy to carry. Took some pictures of him with Daddy.

Look at him frowning, "Why are you wearing Man U, Daddy? Man U lost badly the night before lah". Hahaha. Kidding, Daddy.

They then tried asking him to latch. Not really a pleasant experience. The first latch was rather painful. But I tried to tolerate and told myself its for the best.

After a short latching exercise (haha) and nurses were done with all the necessary paperworks, I was asked to transfer to the wheelchair with an inflatable donut for me to sit on.

Before I left, Dr. Liu & Missies were repeatedly telling me that I was brave. Uh huh.....had to brave the storm, right? Hurrr.

Moving on to Ward 81, Bed 17....in Part 3. Insya'Allah :)

P.S:
By the way, I later found out from my sister that the gas mask should emit some sort of "asap (smoke)" emitting out from the mask. I think our tank wasn't switched on -.- No wonder macam tak effective aje. Chet.

In Mr. J's words, "Maybe thats why they keep saying that you very brave eh?" Lolz. What only.

Labour story - Part 1 : Cramps or Contractions?

Since I have some me-time, I shall blog about my labour story for memories sake. Hehe.

Gonna split my entries into the following parts.
Part 1 : Cramps or Contractions?
Part 2 : What goes on in Room 17?
Part 3 : Postpartum Recovery in the hospital

These entries may come in staggered parts by itself, if the entry takes too long. Heh.


So anyway, here goes:

Ever since my HDB key collection wasn't successful (more on the follow ups next time), I have been more than eager to deliver once the baby's gestational age hit full term on the 37th week (15 Oct 2016).

The constant back aches, acid reflux episodes, pelvic pressure, frequent urination (the list goes on)... oh, little buddy, make your appearance already!

Did some talking with the little buddy in my tummy as and when I feel some kicking.

"Come out soon k sayang... Mummy's tummy getting tooooo small for you".

24 Oct 2016:

Wanted to do some perinial massage as recommended by Rafs <3. Was alllll gearing up to try and do it since I have already reached my 38 weeks + 2 days today. 

"Can't wait to prepare for labour anytime", I thought. 

7.30 pm:
Wanted to take my evening shower. At that same time, I suddenly felt some cramps. I was trying to reason with myself whether these cramps were indeed contractions since I was having Braxton hicks contractions few days prior.

Had Mr. J to help switch on the water heater because I just felt like having a warm shower.

Best. Decision. Ever.

7.35 pm: Cramps came again.

7.40 pm: Had a feeling to do my no. 2. Turns out no. 2 did happen (hahahah) but shortly after that, the cramps came again, along with a very strong pelvic pressure - it felt like it was opening bigger down south.

7.45 pm: Cramps was felt again during shower. It felt like menstrual cramps this time round, not the kind of cramps you feel like when doing no. 2.

7.50 pm: Cramps came again, stronger. Held on to the wash basin - breathe innnnnn... breathe outtttt.......

7.55 pm: Cramps came again.

Told Mr. J, "I think...I am feeling THE contractions. But I am not sure. It feels like menstrual cramps....... hmmm... maybe we wait? Till 12 midnight?"

He was supposed to report to work at 12 midnight that night.

8.00 pm: A very wonderful warm shower ended. But the cramps were stronger, still bearable, but stronger.

Performed Mahgrib prayers, with cramps coming in in between the rakaats. Was already shaking, can't even recite the supplications properly.

Performed Isya' prayers shortly after, also with the cramps coming in stronger.

Mr. J already made his decision to apply for an urgent leave & told me, "Let's head to KKH".

"What if this is a false alarm? Nanti kena send balik abes tu waste money......"

This girl ah hahahaha. Still thinking abnout saving money, despite the cramps (or contractions).

"No no no. You're already having such cramps like this. We go KKH now. If really have to be sent home, it's okay. At least we know".

"But no darah tau". (You know, signs like bloody show).

"Takper. We go". Ok boss. We go.

Around 8 plus, got a Grab and by this time, the contractions were really stronger. Grabbed Mr. J's hands in the car, breathing innnnnnn breathing outttttt. I think my constant heavy breathing in & out might have made the driver worry that I was gonna deliver in his car lulz (IF indeed I was already having the contractions).


Reached KKH's lobby at 9pm. Walking was already so much slower cz the contractions were stronger - though still bearable. Had to pause here and there, held on to the pillars, and continued walking to the lifts. Saw some stares around us, but peduli apa. Haha.

Such a slowwww and torturous walk, I thought.

Reached the delivery suite at 9.11 pm.

Told the staff nurse (in the picture) I felt some pain and passed my Gynae booklet with my NRIC. She did the registration & told me to follow another nurse to the triage.

Mr. J was told to stay at the waiting area while they did some checks.

While walking to the triage, the contractions came again.

Had. To. Pause.
Said sorry to the nurse that was walking together with me.

Upon lying down, she told me to take out my undergarment & placed them into the given plastic bag. She then placed me on the CTG belt for scanning and I was still feeling the cramps. The nurse asked if I wanted any painkillers.

"Ermmm maybe I'll try to endure".
Action hero this one.

All I had in mind was, "No lah, don't need painkillers. Just mild cramps; surely can tolerate".
Talk macam paham only lol.

Then a Senior Nurse came in.

"From 1 to 10, 1 lowest 10 strongest, how's the pain like?", she asked.

"6-7". I think lah? Like how do you actually grade pain? Haha.

She then asked the first nurse, "Is she already on term?"

"Yes, 38 weeks plus 2".

"Ok, we are gonna do some checks ok".

She opened up the drawer under the monitor, took out a glove, applied some gel on it and I was already having thoughts of "Oh my God. Don't tell me you're gonna do the VE on me now. !!!!"

Ya lah so drama because I hated vaginal transducer, so I can't imagine having human fingers doing a similar job down south.


But grrr, before I could think of anything else after that (like reciting some supplications or anything), she already went down south & told me,

"Ok, open up your legs & breathe in..."

*inserts fingers deeply & quickly*

"Yes good... continue breathing in"

*did some digging*

"Continue breathing in"

*dig some more*

Breathed in super super deep, what else. Pfft.

It felt like a rotary machine was inside of me, doing some blending, drilling & digging into my uterus. Not funny seh. Kinda hated it. No, actually I hated it so SO much! Thinking about it now makes me cross my legs each time. To think that I hated the vaginal transducer; this is worst off!

"Nobody gonna insert anymore fingers on me after this". Of course, wishful thinking on my part.

After she was done, she said, "Ok, VERY GOOD!" *thumbs up* "You are 5cm dilated already. VERY GOOD".

She then took out her two fingers and I saw fresh red blood on her glove areas of the fingers that was inserted.

"Why got blood ah?" (sempat interview)

"It's okay. You're already supposed to show. 5 cm already. Will have blood. Plus we also just did a check on you".

I think the conversation went something like that?

I was already panicking by now. 5 cm? Now? What! So fast?! I am not ready!!

But too late. They already started wheeling me out of the triage and the Senior Nurse (who did the rotary machine digging with her fingers) asked the people at the waiting area, "Ok who is her husband?"


Mr. J was still seated, looking at me from afar & putting his right hand up, like a student in a class when his name is being called up. -.-""" lolol. (He later told me that his reason was because "Mana tahu takleh ikut macam tadi ke". Ok good point noted).

The nurse was really loud, I could hear her telling Mr. J, "Very good! Very good! She is already 5 cm. All the best! Follow them to the labour ward".

I was still not ready. I looked at my phone and the time showed 9.26 pm as they wheeled me into the labour ward.

To be continued in Part 2.

38 weeks today

A picture taken when I was about 20 weeks? iirc.

Phew, I thought I would have given birth by now, ever since my 26-weeks-bleeding-episode (which didn't make it to my blog entry).

Ok. Maybeeee I'll share with you a brief background of it. 

Long story short, when I was warded for observation due to the bleeding, the panel of Doctors worry that I may deliver the baby prematurely then. I had to sign some admission documents which consists of some medication to mature the lungs of the baby and so on - didn't happen. Alhamdulillah. But since it's my first pregnancy (well, sorta - that ectopic one doesn't count), they had to give the benefit of a doubt and place this case separately of what it usually is. Reason for the bleeding according to them is that my cervix lining seems raw i.e. soft, and that my cervix is shorter than usual? But anyways, all is well - no more bleeding after that.

So my appointment day came last Thursday, marking my 37 weeks & 5 days.

My Gynae greeted me with a warm "Hello, how are you? Good?" and moved on with the norm.

- Had a vaginal swab done the last visit to test for GBS.
Result: GBS negative. Alhamdulillah.

- Had my scan done & baby's estimated weight was... 2.4kg.

Was a bitttt disappointed. My head was thinking "Alaaa keciknya anak akuuuu... Dah makan banyak-banyak punnn masih kecik".

When I asked my Gynae about it, she explained, "Your baby is on the smaller side..." tilting her head to the image on the screen, and trying to measure it's body again... "But it's okay. You're full term already and usually once the baby hits 2.4kg, we are happy already. It's good enough". 

Phew! Asked her is there any way to increase the baby's weight/size, she suggested Durians & lots of Milo (which I kinda stopped taking for a while now - guess I should restart my daily mugs of Milo again soon?)

So yeah, had a bowl of Durian Milk Ice right after appointment.

Got it from KKH Kopitiam - easiest find ever!

My Gynae also added, "Small mummies have small babies. So it's good if your baby is not too big. Any larger than 3.5kg, might result in a Caesar. So some mums have to go through Caesar because their baby is too big".

Sounds like she's either comforting me or she's pro-natural - I'd like to believe the latter. Haha.

Anyway, this reminds me that my niece's birth weight was 2.4kg as well and now she's so berat with babat like Michelin lol, so I guess it doesn't matter that much? It's just the thought of people asking, "Eh... Waktu ngandung tak cukup makan ke?" Ohhh people, you don't know how much food I gobble up during my pregnancy! Lol defensive pulak.

- My current weight: 59.5 kg
Yikes! Hope I don't hit errr... 60kg? The number 5 never once hit my health book pre-pregnancy, much less a 6. But even IF it does (I say IF), I hope it's only for a healthy pregnancy - and not because of excessive fats #toovain

- The fluid in my waterbag is doing great
The keeping-a-full-bottle-of-water-by-my-bedside does help in this department.

- Last but not least, the little buddy is already engaged!
It has already turned head down since my 29th week, but to see from the images in the scan I had last Thursday, it seems that the baby's head is much lower right now. I guess that explains the frequent sharp & painful episodes I had to endure when I walk and the urgent need to pee. But good news right?

On another plus side, I am starting to like my Gynae. Used to think that she was kinda cold but during our recent appointments, she's more jovial and warm. Mr. J noticed it too. :)

She also added some notes for me to take away from the appointment:

1) Labour contractions:
"It feels like menstrual cramps... times 100 - you wont miss it".

She mentioned that it wont be a mild pain, so it's recognizable.

"The first few contractions that come, it's about an hour apart. When that happens, you can still time them at home. Only make your way to the hospital when it's about 15 minutes apart. Reason being, it's your first labour, so usually, the time of labour will be very long. It will result you in staying in the hospital for a verrrry long time....it will bore you."

2) Waterbag burst:
"Of course when your waterbag burst, immediately - to the hospital. But you still can have some time to shower and head to the hospital", she laughed a bit after that.

Well, of course I would have my shower first, right?

3) Baby's movement:
"As long as your baby is moving actively as per normal, using your instinct as a mum, it's good enough. You would know the pattern of the baby's movement by now. We used to tell mummies to count the x no. of movements in x no. of hours. But it's very subjective."

Penned down these notes on my mind...but really, now I am starting to wonder....

You've been really active at night and as much as your kicks can be painful to boot, I often wrap both my tiny hands on my overstretched tummy and feel you move. Pregnancy with you may not be the easiest thing to go through, but you are definitely a gift I am looking forward to.

Your Daddy has been asking, "When do you think our baby will be out?"

"I don't know".

Why don't you tell me?